Just a short list....
~A~
Abyssion, n. 1. The perception of falling that occurs while watching your loved one rise.
AfterMath, n. 1. When you count up the days you have lived without your child or the days you must yet live.
Angel Date n. 1. the day your child became on Angel. 2. Anniversary of the death of your child.
Angelversary n. 1. This word denotes the annual date of a child's death. This day is just as important to a bereaved parent as a birthday, and stillbirth parents are marking both birth and death on the same day. So it is different than a regular birthday. While "anniversary" might work, that often seems to celebratory a word for this kind of day. Angelversary is our answer to describing this most difficult day.
Apologitis, n. 1. The need to constantly be apologizing to your spouse and loved ones because you couldn't save your unborn child from death. This involves constantly telling them how you tried to take care of your baby and how much you loved and wanted that baby.
~B~
BaDahBoom v. 1. the verb Sonny used in Godfather Pt. 1 when teasing Michael. 2. the bursting out of The Creeper (see the C words) that you unleashed on some poor, unsuspecting human being. 3. the smashing of dishes for no "apparent" reason.
The Beast n. 1. grief personified 2. the monkey on your back everyone seems you think you should "get over" when you know that the loss with be with you for as long as you live. 3. synonym for cancer of any kind because this disease seems to take on a personality of its own and often takes the lives of our loved ones. -beasted adj.
Beved adj. 1. short for bereaved 2. tired, scattered, overwhelmed -- even by the simple things 3. not up to par - heck, not up to anything. Examples: "Yes, I am still in my PJ's, and yes, I know what time it is, feeling beved, back off." OR "I am taking a beved day today, no I'm not sick - I'm simply beved."
Bereft, n. 1. Those who have lost a child. i.e., just as one might say, "I am a widow" or "I am an orphan," likewise a parent whose child has died would say, "I am a bereft." (Contributor note: Wendy writes about why she chose this word and says, "...because they are bereft of the opportunity to enjoy their children's lives; bereft of the right to nurture and instruct those children through childhood and into adulthood; bereft of the friendship that might have been, the love that might have grown, and the joy that might have welled up; bereft of the incredible pleasure of having small arms wrapped around their necks, wet kisses planted on various facial features, and sweet voices saying "Mommy, I MISSED you today"; ...because a child is a part of yourself, and to lose a child is to be bereft in the deepest, most desolate sense of the word.) (Editor note: All of those reasons seem good enough for me to justify turning the word bereft from an adjective to a noun!)
Biting Reality, n. 1. The fact that whatever was once only a possibility is now the endless reality. Having had The Knowledge of the Biting Reality before your child's death, you now fully understand the total meaning and all the ramifications in your life of the Biting Reality because of the death of your child. (Author note: This is the emotional, reality knowledge that comes from first hand experience!)
Black Hole n. 1. a dark murky place where the reason for losing your child has disappeared. 2. the evil darkness that occasionally swallows you whole, especially when contemplating what really did happen to your baby.
Blame factor n. 1. the need to find someone and punish him or her for taking your baby away from you. This is often pointed at one's self. For example "If I had done ABC instead of XYZ, then my baby would still be alive." Blame factors are especially common in miscarriage and pregnancy losses where doctors cannot tell you why you lost your baby, just that 'it happens.'
Brick Wall, n. 1. what hits you when someone says to you, "Oh, I thought you were over it."
Brief,adj. 1. fleeting, short, temporary, in reference to memory and time. Time feels both brief/lightening fast, yet slug slow at the same time. (See also "Brief Grain" for futher usage details.)
Brief Grain, n. 1. a variation of Grief Brain, and illustrates how our brain function is severely affected after the loss of a child. 2. Representative of one symptom of grief: mixing up the first letters of words. (See also the individual words "Brief" and "
Grain" for further usage details.)
~C~
Cemetery Posse, n. 1. a group of mothers armed with video cameras, hiding in various cemeteries in hopes of 'capturing' marauding morons stealing things from children's graves, in hopes of inflicting appropriate punishment - like that nice, cozy seat next to the fire in Hell.
Childless Mother, n. 1. A mother who has lost a child in miscarriage, stillbirth, or any other cause of death. 2. A mother whose only child has died.
Childless Father, n. 1. A father who has lost a child in miscarriage, stillbirth, or any other cause of death. 2. A father whose only child has died.
Circling cleaning, v. 1. You stand up, turn in a circle while observing and commenting on all that needs to be cleaned, then sit back down totally exhausted, without having touched a single thing. Can be applied to bill paying, cooking, writing Thank You notes, returning phone calls, etc. (Contributor note: My daughter Jen and I coined this phrase after Cassy died.)
The Clueless n. 1. folks who haven't lost a child and just don't get it.
The Clueful n. 1. folks who haven't lost a child and who try really, really hard to understand.
Cobweb Phenomenon n. 1. comparing your life to a room full of pretty things and happy times, but realizing there are cobwebs in the ceiling corners that never go away. 2. having a perfectly decent life, good job, other children you love, a solid partnership, and still feeling empty because one of your children is dead. 3. going to a party where people are lively and happy and laughing and someone asks how you are, but you know you can't really say how you are. -cobwebbed v. -cobwebified adj.
Cobwebified adj. 1. the feeling between your ears during the first and second years after your child has passed away. 2. adjective form of Cobweb Phenomenon (see Part 1 of this Dictionary) syn. Brain No Worky
Contingency Theory, n. 1. a false myth perpetrated by society that the depth of a parent's love or grief can be measured by the child's age -contingency theorist, n.
Cow-eyed Grief Virgin, n. 1. person with no concept of what bereaved parents have been through 2. person who sees putting bereavement stories in print -- not as a way to work through grief and memorialize dead children and possibly help other bereaved parents -- but instead as a "get rich quick" opportunity because as anyone knows, if you wrote a book, you must be very lucky and your life must be fabulous.
Creeper n. 1. grief anger personified. 2. the anger that resides just under the surface of your skin that may break out at the slightest bump from another human being. -creeped adj.
Dark Room n. 1. when it is sunny and nice out but you prefer to stay in with the shade drawn and the phone off the hook. 2. the feeling inside your body when you ache to hold your child again.
Denialbility, n. 1. Your brain knows your child is gone and that you'll never see him/her again, but your heart makes you look up each time the door opens fully expecting to see him/her walk in. 2. This can also apply to hearing phantom crying or having the phantom achy arms. (Editor note: Definition #2 was added by editor after Connie made this contribution to the Dictionary.)
Dream sleep, n. 1. (Contributed by Adam Small after Cassy's death.) The sleep that has the dreams in which Cassy comes to play with you [or in which any dead child comes to visit with you.
~E~
Emotional Constipation n. 1. Times when you know you need to cry and the tears won't come. Your body is aching for the tears, and somehow they are all locked up inside and you can't get them out. You've cried so many tears you're afraid you'll never be able get them out again. The best antidotes I have found for this condition are movies guaranteed to make you cry: Steel Magnolias, My Dog Skip, Ghost, Hearts and Souls--or songs like "Wind beneath my Wings", Eric Clapton's "Tears in Heaven", and anything that has a personal connection with our lost children.
Endless Ache, n. 1. What it's like to hear about new babies, other women's pregnancies and baby showers all the while wondering why your baby died. 2. The feeling you get when friends and family who know your baby died will talk to you about new babies, other women's pregnancies, and baby showers and think nothing of it. -endless aching, v. -endlessly ached, adj.
Existence denial, n. 1. the fact that people don't bring up your child because they think it will remind you of the pain, (WHATEVER! like I can forget this pain?!?) so they just plain ignore that your child ever existed.
~F~
Fall Into A Hole v. 1. To become so absorbed in grief reading/blogging/posting on message boards as to forget the the existance of time, ignore domestic or work duties and, possibly, personal hygiene. As in "I fell into a hole on the internet reading bereaved parent blogs and forgot to take a shower" or "I fell into a hole reading 'Dear Cheyenne' and didn't crawl out for 2 hours."
Fear of Love, n. 1. Knowing that love has caused you such pain through the death of your loved one, such that you become afraid to love, afraid that Death will come and steal away everyone you love until you are left absolutely alone. This may lead to an inability to trust your loved ones are safe, to constantly worry about them and to avoid starting up new relationships or continuing old relationships for fear of losing the people you love.
Fear of the Public, n. 1. This fear will hit the bereaved parent from time to time until they are afraid to go out, afraid to see people, afraid of leaving the confines of their home in hopes of avoiding more pain or having to answer questions like "When was your baby born?" or "How many children do you have?" Involves knowing that you really want to talk about your child who died with these people, but realizing that the people who ask these questions don't want to hear the answers and will give you platitudes instead of comfort.
Fetus Envy n. 1. extreme longing for the easy, worry-free, healthy pregnancies, labor/deliveries and newborns, as you seen in the people around you who have not experienced the death of a child.
FINE, adj. 1. the answer those who are grieving blurt out to the unknowing or uninvolved when asked, "How are you doing?" 2. an acronym for: Freaked out - Irrational - Neurotic - Emotional
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